Letters From and To Equestria

Dash;

Upper left continent, eastern coast, right in the middle where that bay heads inland. Thereabouts, anyways. I think someone sent Twilight a laptop computer along with a slew of history and informational CDs, so you could ask her if she'd show you some more info on Earth in general if you wanted.

So generally your average pegasus will cap out at subsonic speeds then. Interesting. It's still amazing that despite being flesh and bone you lot are capable of withstanding the g-forces, friction, and air pressure incurred at those speeds. That's magic flying horses for you, I guess :B

As for marriage, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. From what it sounds like, you two really do appear to be soul mates (which probably has more weight in its words than over here, as I wouldn't put it past Equestria to literally have soul mates). Just uh...make sure you two use protection, y'know? Magic is damned good at making the impossible happen, and your world is permeated by it. Just saying.

Also I seem to be starting a trend within myself of sending you lot different things now that the Rift is accepting them. So here's a case of some stuff we call Gatorade over here - assorted flavors since I really don't know what your favorite is. The stuff was designed by some researchers at one of our Universities over here as a superior method of re-hydrating the body during rigorous physical exertion - I figure that since you're -the- athletic pony over there, you'd gain the most benefit from it (this doesn't mean stop drinking water though, water's still the best thing you could drink on a regular basis).

-Scherzo-

Dear Scherzo,

Hey man, it's been a while. The mail system over here was a bit wonky, plus I haven't exactly been up to writing letters lately.

Twi's got the encyclopedia working, unfortunately, it's all in English. Still, it has a lot of cool pictures. I have done a bit of translating for her, and she's learned a lot.

Yeah, not too many crack the sound barrier. I can do it, the Wonderbolts can all do it, and a few assorted Ponies here and there can do it. Storm can come pretty close, but she focuses on accuracy over speed. Which is good, for her line of work, 'cause you gotta hit the tornado just right for it to go down.

Yeah, we're soul mates, but there isn't anything that literal in modern day sun-worship. Even though, like, the old religions are coming back since the whole “council” thing. I dunno. I'd like to mean Caeli, just cause he's the Patron god of Pegasi.

Thanks for the Gatorade, and it's a good thing you sent it now. TRIBD's shutting down the whole “physical object” portal ever since the whole “flamethrower” thing. The final straw was when they heard of Twi's pistols (which she destroyed and buried, by the way.) The Gatorade is good, but, it's a bit sweet. Kinda like candy. Do electrolites usually taste like candy?

Wait... it's not made of aligators, is it? You know I don't eat meat, right? Poor Gummy...

Anyway, thanks for writing,

Dash

Twilight;

You should find a copy of the King James Bible enclosed with this letter. Enjoy.

Worst thing that's happening right now? Eesh...really that's open to interpretation. Some might say the melting of the polar ice caps. Others might say it's the turmoil going on in the middle east (It's basically a big war-zone over there, for multiple reasons. No big bombs or anything, just troops and artillery). Plenty more will say it's the continuous issue of disease and famine in third-world countries.

Personally I think the worst thing going on in our world right now is that very few people actually legitimately care for their fellow man. Instead they'll sell out their best friends just to make a quick buck (slang for money over here, not a male deer). Greed is so rampant in our society, and with greed comes corruption. Governments pretend to listen to their citizens, but rarely follow the will of the people, instead rather choosing to push their own personal agendas through which benefit themselves and major companies who bribe them to do these things. It's sickening. I think that's why I like your world so much. It's just so...peaceful. And fair. Everyone is kind, quick to forgive and slow to anger. Prosperity and peace is the rule of the day, not poverty and war. It's...well, compared to here, it's a paradise.

I'm sure you never realized just how good you and your species has it over there until you started learning about us, hm? Ah well. C'est la vie.

-Scherzo-

Dear Scherzo,

Thanks for the Bible. I've always been interested in human religion. TRIBD even translated it for me.

Some parts are a little... disturbing. Leviticus comes to mind. For example:

“And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.”

Now really. If that were Equestria, the vast majority of “Priests daughters” would be burned to death. Actually, it seems weirdly obsessed with how you can and can't have sex. No you can't be gay (really, who does it hurt?) No you can't do... well... certain things that I wouldn't do, but still, I'm not one to judge!

It's got this strange emphasis on virginity. We don't really care that much about it over here. And we certainly don't burn anypony!

Oh wait...

Never mind, just had a bad week...

Back to the Bible,

“And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

Speak thou also unto the children of Israel, saying, Verily my sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations; that ye may know that I am the LORD that doth sanctify you.

Ye shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it is holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: for whosoever doeth any work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people.

Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.”

Really? Killing people for working. You have to have one day where you do nothing or else they kill you?!?! Now that makes no sense. At all.

Now, I read the whole book, and there are some good parts. A lot of the stuff near the end about helping each other, and loving each other is good stuff, but it's just so... contradictory. Not to offend anybody who believes this, but there are a lot of problems with this book.

Also, Revelations... hmm... I'm particularly interested in this whole concept of the “horsemen.” Now, maybe, and this is crazy talk right here and I hope I'm wrong for your sake, but maybe it was fortelling us. Horse. Men. Sentient horses.

Your wars and your famines come from your greed, but do you want to know something? I don't think us Ponies are much better. I used to think so, but... but after seeing what happened in Stalliongrad, I think we're just as crazy and depraved as any human. If it weren't for the fact we have magic, if it weren't for the fact we have everything handed to us by the gods, we'd be killing, looting, raping, murdering, and warring just as much as you humans. I realize that now, and I apologize for the condescending tone that I take sometimes.

We have had it good, we were lucky,

and that's all we were,

Twilight Sparkle

PS: C'est la vie... that's Gig's language, right?

Fluttershy;

It's all good, sweetie. We all lose our temper from time to time (humans moreso than ponies) - I mean, you -did- see how Twilight reacted with Pinkie's "Pinkie-Sense", right?

Just read the books and listen to the tapes (if they've been translated). Do the breathing exercises whenever you feel yourself getting ready to "Hulk Out" so to speak. You're a good kid, I'd hate to see you become a bitter shell of your former self due to something that could have been avoided.

-Scherzo-

Dear Scherzo,

I know... I had these weird delusions...

Still, my house is almost rebuilt now.

-Fluttershy

Dash

Can't get sad over something you haven't done. Well haven't ACTUALLY done. Anyway, it's your choice, ain't gonna argue that.

And I'm sure unstable is a flaming UNDERSTATEMENT when it comes to Pinkie. She hit unstable, laughed in its face and then danced all around it while tormenting it to tears.

Now for a question I hope my own brain came up with (Nope)

What would you do if you woke up tomorrow (or whenever, doesn't matter to be honest) with no wings. Not with stumps or anything, just... as if they wasn't there. Guess the best way I can think of it is some sadistic ass cleanly removes them, no stumps or anything. We know flying is your life, and I was wondering exactly how you'd deal with the possibility of not being able to fly again.

Also I forgot to sign one of my previous letters, my bad. You'd probably be able to figure out which one it was if you really wanted to, not that it matters.

Furball

PS: (Still abusing this) All of these recent letters i've seen, things are getting a tad busy over there isn't it? Hope everything's fine, don't want us to screw things up TOO much over there. Typical of us humans to taint anything we touch or come in contact with. Oh well... the damage is done now, not much we can do now I guess.

Dear Furball,

Pinkie's fine. Get over it.

Anyway, if I woke up without wings, first thing I'd think would be “where the hell did my wings go?”

Then I'd be sad I guess.

Then I'd probably starve to death because I'd have no way out of my house which is fifty feet off the ground.

-Dash

Dear Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,

I, of course, have some questions to you and before you ask, no my gentleman, I'm not going to do anything to your waifu. In fact, let's start with that:

Who is your waifu?

Why do you defend her?

How do you intercept the letter's anyhow?

Again, I'm not going to do anything to your waifu. You can trust me.

Tsau (bye)

-K. J. Lõhmus-

DEAR LOHMUS,

Tere, minu väike Eesti sõber.

That's right, I speak fluent Estonian, as well as all other Urlic languages.

Fluttershy is my one true waifu. I would have defended her, and RIPPED APART THAT DAMN FIRECRACKER BURST WITH MY FACE. However, that was impossible, as I was voicing my new movie TALKING DOG COP. It's an animated feature that's fun for the whole family, with ADAM SANDLER (my loveable sidekick), JACK BLACK (the evil land developer/coke dealer) , JENNIFER LOPEZ(playing the chihuahua love interest), BOB BARKER as BOB BARKER (there are many great neutering jokes, it's fun for the whole family.) , and TARA STRONG doing all the other voices. It's fun for the whole family, look for it in NOVEMBER 2013!!! It's fun for the whole family. Anyway, I was voicing that so I couldn't RIP FIRECRACKER BURST APART FOR BURNING DOWN MY WAIFU'S HOUSE.

I DEFEND MY WAIFU BECAUSE MY WAIFU IS INNOCENT, UNCORRUPTABLE, AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HORSE IN ALL EXISTENCE.

I intercept letters with my SKILLS. And that's all you need to know.

Ma soovin, et saaksin sind usaldada, kuid mulle meeldib Leedu paremini.

Tsau,

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON

Greeting Rainbow Dash,

By the time you receive this letter, you will have probably seen and meditated on the events that transpired in Staliongrad. You don’t have to know who we are – but know that we are the ones that sent Crossman, Gig and the others to clean the mess. Therefore, you will understand that we do not joke. Especially not on matters like this.

The littlest spark could be enough to ignite a revolution, and believe us, the genuine, angel-faced Scootaloo, under the codename ‘Illich’, did start this bloodbath. Although we sincerely doubt of her understanding of the implication of these events, we feared that she hadn't really abandoned her foolish ideals. Thus, we ask you to keep an close eye on her.

This is for her own safety. If she keeps going that way, she will end in a dark cell of Canterlot dungeon. At best.

Sincerely,

- A friend.

Dear A Friend,

Fine, fine, I'll talk to her. Celestia... things really did go downhill, didn't they?

-Rainbow Dash

Dear Pinkie Pie,

Of the mane six (referring to you and your 5 friends), I used to believe Fluttershy was my favourite pony - what with all her timidness and stuff. But for some reason I found myself growing fond of the jumpy pink one. I dunno why - maybe it's cause out of the 6 of you, I can imagine cuddling you to death the most (I would not want to put you to death, though). Why? Well Applejack doesn't seem the kind to like to cuddle, Rainbow Dash doesn't either and same with Twilight, Fluttershy would probably implode from nervousness and Rarity probably wouldn't want her coat to be ruined by excessive cuddling.

You, on the other hand, seem to be the kind one would just want to squeeze to sleep after a long stressful day. Yes despite your squirming and stuff (I imagine you do that a lot; I tend to move a lot in my sleep too), you'd make a good pillow for hugging.

No, this is not intended to be creepy. I just that you should know, seeing as we're both the kind of personalities who find delight in the most insignificant ways. High-five! Well, ponies can't high-five but... Uh, nevermind. Yeah I ramble a lot, you should see me in conversations.

That is all.

-Dan

PS: How is it that, whenever you hop, you produce a delightful *ping* sound? Whenever I try to hop, I don't have such an exciting outcome.

PPS: If we could somehow get past the veil thingy, would you be my personal cuddle-pillow thing?! That'd be AWESOME.

PPPS: Is it supposed to be more P's or S's with these PS things? Like should this one be PSSS or PPPS? I never knew. The PPPS sounds more proper though, and I have a knack for wanting things proper! I guess you can call it a part of my OCD. And on that topic, do you think Rarity has OCD? The way she frets over the slightest details - reminds me of myself. Except I'm not as fancy as her.

PPPPS/PSSSS: Do you ponies have abbreviations in your text for casual talk? We, for instance, have plenty of abbreviations such as "lol" (which means laugh-out-loud), "lmao" (which means laughing-my-ass-off) and "ily" (which means I love you)? No not that I mean *any* of those, I'm not that kind of creep! And for the record, we use these abbreviations when sending mails like this, or for our technologically-advanced civillization, various ways of instant-messaging.

Yeah I'm gonna stop there, sorry. OH and one more thing - do you make faces out of text?! In our language-characters, we can make happy faces such as this:
[below untranslated]
:D :O :) :P :X :( :S :I :/

[back to translated]
And we can make other things such as hearts!

[below untranslated]
<3

[back to translated]
Anyways, bye!

Dear Dan,

Awww. Maybe one day. You seem like a nice human. Also, Dash likes to cuddle, just ask Storm Chaser (That reminds me, I'm gonna have to throw a party for those too when she comes back!)

Anyway, time to answer your “PS-es”

1. It's all in the ankle!

2. Sure!

3. She doesn't have OCD, she just wants things nice and pretty!

4. We have

Which is like “that was funny.” It stands for “Neyahae Eeahe eeNeeye” I don't really know what the English equivalent is.

Dash uses some of your emoticons like “:)” I think. It's a neat idea!

Great talking to you!

-Pinkie Pie ♥

Dear Ignis,

So what's the deal with the race of ponies you created? Nopony else seems to know anything about them anymore. Who/what were they, and what happened to them?

-Pupienus

Dear Pupienus,

The race I created was known in their language as “Uyeaneeahrezzz Eehyeah.” It would be best to refer to them as “The Builders.” They were much like humans, in that they couldn't use magic, but they were resourceful, and had a mastery over fire. They built massive, advanced civilizations all across Equestria, while the Pegasi, Earth Ponies and Hippocampi were still grazing nomads, the Unicorns superstitious Zealots, living in mud huts.

Eventually, when the Unicorn's magic overtook their technology, they were completely wiped out.

Me and Astrus weren't exactly close after that. Imagine 3000 years with that guy.

Apparently the Hippocampi also got wiped out, except they were smashed by tsunamis or something.

Anyway, good to talk to you,

Ignis,

Lord of Fire

PS: Astrus and I are willing to put aside our differences for the good of Ponykind. I really do wanna make a difference.

Dear Celestia,

Four thousand years and five centuries, yes, something like that. I know it’s quite unbelievable how quick the mankind started worshiping me and forgetting all the others gods. I didn’t even have to ask for it. Seriously, humans are morons.

About Ba’al… well, it has been a long time since I last saw it. We got a little argument about the human priests of Yahweh showing him as the bad guy in most of the stories, and then using him as an emblem of all the others gods. He got mad at me, so, well, I kind of convinced him to go at the other end of the universe see if it’s as pleasant as Earth. Last time I checked (like, a thousand years ago), he was still there. It’s not like he could move though.

Anyway, yes, I still use this omnipotent, omniscient (and sometime omnibenevolent) trick. The mankind wouldn’t believe in a weak god, right? The ponies can see you, and can taste your powers. The humans cannot, so well, I’ve to make them believe that faith in my powers was the only way to reach Heavens. That worked so well that they started killing each other to prove they were the most faithful. I hate martyrs, seriously, they’re pathetic.

I know interventionism would have been far better for mankind, but well, you know, the old treaty and all this stuff… Anyway, even if I had the right to modify the Earth directly, the others gods would like to do so too, and you can guess the mess it would soon become. Ah, just take a look on the Iliad and the Odyssey, written by Homer a long time ago. You’d understand.

By the way, how did you manage to avoid a war between the Equestrian’s gods? Someone told me they retired, you told me you’ve banished them, but I doubt they were voluntaries, now were they?

Keep me updated with this Ignis’ return story. Loki told me he managed to overthrown you, but well, you know the trickster!

Sincerely,

Chuck

Dear Chuck,

I don't want to talk about Ignis. Let's just say the... Pantheon... is back in charge.

As for the other gods on your side of the Veil, maybe you should watch them a bit more closely.

-Celestia

Goddess of the Sun,

and Nothing More

Dear Dashie (if I am permitted to call you that):

Glad to hear you, shall we say, "got along well" with Storm Chaser. No doubt you'll see her again.

Anywho, thought you might want to know something else about my increased attempts to work you more into my life (because you're so awesome). Now this is going to require more explanation, and it's kind of like what I did with my Google Chrome and "Firey Fox", but also quite different. My apologies if you don't get it.

I own a PlayStation 3, which is a machine that allows the user to play something called "video games", which do what they say on the tin. But this machine does so much more than play video games, and when you turn it on, you are taken to a main screen which shows you different menu items (there's one for games, one for photos, one for video, etc). It is accompanied by a background wallpaper and various logos. Well, I suppose you know where I'm going with this-- you're on it. The four wallpapers I have on it are of you, and they change every time I turn the machine on. There are two wallpapers that show you in your gala outfit, another has you performing a sonic rainboom, and the last one has you with rainbow-coloured warpaint on your face, growling aggressively (why is it that the cooler you try to be, the cuter you end up looking?).

By the way, my "Firey Fox" has various other themes I can use on it; I'm using a different one right now. They're called "personas", and they can provide interesting decoration. But whenever I think, "My Internet browsing needs to be about 20% cooler," I just throw your persona on. It's really quite simple. I know you probably still don't understand it very well, but that's okay-- all you probably care about is the fact that you provide decoration to advanced human technology.

And with that, I must be off.

Hugs,

Nathan R.

P.S. Ending these letters is even harder than writing them!

Dear Nathan R,

You can call me Dash, Dashie, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow, or whatever. Just don't call me 'Bow. EVER. Why do I get the feeling that I'll get like, 20 messages that call me 'Bow?

I think I get it. I saw a bit of this “internet” thing at the TRIBD center in Canterlot. They let me do some live chats with humans. It was kinda cool. Anyway, I think it's sweet that you put me on your Playstation thingy. And yes, you chose some of the most awesome shots of me. And yes, I do realize humans find me cute. I think it's the eyes.

Also, what's with you humans and your obsession with “20%?” I said that once. Suddenly I have a catchphrase. Also, quick question, apparently it's a toy company that makes the show about us? “Hasbro” or something like that? I dunno, apparently you humans have little plastic figurines of me, which I'm not opposed to, by the way. One day, little fillies and colts in Equestria will be playing with a tiny, plastic representation of me, after I join the Wonderbolts.

Anyway, great talking to you,

Dashie

PS: Maybe I should write “celebrity in another dimension” on my resume. Think Ponies would go for that?

PPS: It's hard to end your letters 'cause you like talking to me so much.

Dear Gilda,

Has Rainbow Dash ever given you a belly rub with her hooves? Have you ever given one to her? Would you like me to give you a belly rub? Us humans can do amazing things with our fingers. I think you would be impressed.

Kittywatcher.

Dear Kittywatcher,

What the hell is up with all these weird letters? No, I have not (seriously don't try to rub her belly unless you're an attractive filly with nice flanks and shiny hooves, or a colt that can “keep up with her”. It probably wouldn't end well.), and she hasn't rubbed my belly either.

No, you can't rub my belly, weirdo.

It'd be hard for you to do anything amazing with your fingers when they've been bitten off by a certain Griffon.

Sincerely,

A Creeped Out Griffon

PS: What exactly do you watch kitties do? Knowing you, it's something weird.

Pinkie

How in the flaming flying cupcake invaders (mmm tasty...) does your mane stay as poofy as always? It defies all laws of... everything. Your entire existence is insanity. If you existed as you are on this planet, even the smartest minds we have would probably go insane and have to be aslyum'd before anything drastic happens. That stuff usually involves mad scientists and Frankensteins. Don't need a replay of THAT now.

Also a second damnation to your mane. Thanks to that, someone thinks I'm copying you.
Someone thinks that a boy, is copying what would be described as, to most, a "Pretty Pink Prancing Pony".
Do you realise how hard my manliness meter shot down on that day? It plummeted... it plutmmeted, crashed into the marble flooring, set on fire, and then jumped out of a 20 story building to put itself out of its misery.
And I would have it no other way.
I say "My hairs like Pinkies. Poofy and never stays down" (Don't remember the convo) and next thing I know he's face palming and saying I'm obsessed with you ponies.
I mean... I am, but that's not a part of the blasted argument.

I dread the day that the rift is able to transfer living beings, because that will be a day that earth will plunge into insanity.
Go figure, I'm complaining about it all yet I know it'll be a blast going down like that.

Furball

PS: Whats your favourite flavour cupcake? HOT-SAUCE IN ANY FORM DOES NOT COUNT!

PSS: SEE? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN! SEVERAL MINUTES LATER I BECOME AWARE OF AN ENTIRE LETTER WHICH IS MADE OF MOOD WHIP-LASH! ONLY YOU!

Dear Furball,

I don't know, I guess my hair likes to be just as bouncy as me! But I think straight hair is pretty too, Applejack has straight hair and Applejack's hair is really pretty. Twilight's hair is pretty too. So is Dash's hair ('cause it's so colourful!) And Fluttershy's hair is really pretty! Same with Rarity. Hmm... well, I guess my mane makes me unique! And it makes you unique too! You should be proud of it, silly!

PS: My favourite flavour of cupcake is all of them.

To Ignis,

Hey, I’m not evil! Well, okay, I am, since the word is based on my old behaviors, but believe me, a few thousands years having to administrate the Underworld dissuade you from going in rampage mode, because, well, you don’t have to oversee the livings. Still, I would have think that your anger would have burn Equestria to the ground. I’m glad you focus on Celestia, I won’t have to deal with the casualties. Hades have a few ideas for her anyway; you know, he always have this strange sadistic hobby… I don’t say that I don’t enjoy it, but I wonder where do all those torment ideas come from…

Be careful with the whole ‘recreate the world’ scenario. Sometime it’s even more fucked up when you restart from scratch. Anyway, you know that the Earth gods signed a non-intervention agreement. I reckon this doesn’t apply for Equestria, since it never was under our jurisdiction, but I don’t think Chuck or the rest of the Pantheon will let me help you. They still didn’t forgive me for the Sarajevo incident ^^’. Fortunately they don’t know I inspirited Oppenheimer for the implosion-based plutonium A-bomb. Ha, and he called the first explosion the “Trinity Test”, and then quoted Vishnu! That was epic, seriously. I cheated on his folder to send him in Heaven to thanks him for that.

No wonder that Luna is not a big Celestia fan anymore. From what I’ve heard, she even read her mail. Who I am kidding. The mortal mail, monitored by and for a goddess. No wonder Loki is interested in the recent events, there’s probably a lot of pranks to do around her.

Anyway, who’ll be in charge of Equestria after Celly’s fall? Luna isn’t really the administrator type. Okay, neither do I, but since I can do whatever I want with the souls, it’s not a big deal. Livings are way harder to satisfy.

Say ‘hi’ to the others from me! And tell them they are all invited to your return party.

Satan

PS.: Oh, yeah, I’d forgotten to warn you, but a human (very funny by the way, you’d like him) named Qetuo decided to worship you (I don’t know how the hell – ahah, got it? – he found your name, but whatever) and to bring you back. He seems to be persuaded that a Pegasus, “Fluttershy”, is your mortal reincarnation. I would have see it like a prank buuuuut… the force is strong in her. I mean, she really reminds me yours anger bursts. I’m sure she will help you, somehow, to overthrown Celestia. By the way, some humans stepped in Equestria. They pretend to work with Luna, but… IDK. They are strange. I reckon they will try to stop you. Don’t worry about roasting them, I’ll do the paperwork and Chuck will never know it. And even if he does, well they are pretty much all atheists or agnostics so it’s not a big deal.

Dear Lucy,

Celly fell! It was good too, too bad her sister wouldn't give me the revenge I so desperately wanted. Still, I've been doing a lot of little petty things when she's not looking. Like I keep hiding her stapler, and wasting all her staples. And, the other day, I ate her lunch out of the Pantheon fridge.

I'd say that makes up for THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF TORMENT.

Yeah, yeah, I know how much of a clusterfuck things can get into. My entire patron-race was wiped out, remember? We're back to how things used to be, so I guess that's all I can hope for.

Chuck sounds like the same ego-manical bitch that Celestia is. Still, I wouldn't want a crazy bastard like you in charge, Lucifer. And no, I won't call you by your title. Seriously, “Satan?” Is “Lucifer” not cool enough for you. Oh I get it! This is because “Lucifer” sounds like a girl's name!

Anyway, go, I dunno, do whatever demons do,

Ignis

Mornin’ Twilight

Is everything okay over there?
I heard something really big had happened. Something about Ignis returning, if I understood correctly?
Isn’t that your god of fire or something? Atleast, the equestrian name is translated in the latin word for “fire”, so that’s what I assume.

Hmm… I don’t really have any way of determining if everything IS okay without waiting for an answer, do I?

I think I’ll just include a continuation of the conversation we had in the previous letter, just to kickstart the convo again if you’re good.
If not… the my condolences to anyone who may read this.

Lets see…
Yeah, “Cutie marks” is a horrible translation. I didn’t even need to know the real version to know that; I think I can assume that no self-respecting sapient being would call something that important to their life and culture something that… cheesy.

Say, is there anything at all your society frowns upon?
Well, anything that happens at regular enough times for people to be relatively familiar with it. Which, if I have understood correctly, excludes most (if not all) forms of thievery, torture, murder, etc.

You know, we humans sometimes have remedies for the “pegasus loosing wings” thing.
Y’see, when people loose limbs over here, they usually have two choices; live without it, if that is possible, or use an artificial limb, a prosthetic.
Usually, these prosthetic limbs are fairly bad copies of the original limb, since it’s VERY hard to copy all the mechanisms in even a small piece of the body. However, sometimes, you get people who simply refuse to use something that crappy.

They sometimes either commission or make themselves, high-tech versions of prosthetic limbs; for example, there is a guy who has lost both his feet, but due to a set of custom artificial legs, he can run about as fast as top-tier athletes, if I remember correctly.
We are also currently developing thought controlled limbs, who react to stimuli from the severed nerves in the stump.

Of course, thought-controlled things is probably not that hard to produce in a world which depends heavily on magic, but trust me, producing the same effect using only technology is a pretty difficult feat to achieve.

Of course, a pair of wings would be ridiculously difficult to make good enough for someone to use them. Atleast if they were artificial.
However, people have also experimented with different types of bio-engineering to let the patient in question get back his/her original limb. Atleast, sort of.
One method consists of simply cloning the limb needed, then stitch it back on. We can’t actually regrow whole limbs at this point in time though; only simple organs (like urine bladders) and bits and pieces (like skin, muscles and bloodvessels). It’s only a matter of time though, until we master that too.

A second, and even more experimental method, is to fool the body into thinking it’s a fetus again; atleast for humans, fetus’ have the unique capability of regrowing lost limbs incredibly fast, but this ability is lost soon after birth. If we fool the grown body into thinking it’s a fetus again, it simply regrows any lost limbs!
To my knowledge, the only thing actually regrown by this technique so far is a finger (I’ll assume you know what a finger is by this point), but since that was on a middle ages man, the technique has great potential.

Now, think if any of the methods above could be modified to work for ponies! It would be like a godsent gift to those with such disabilities.

Hm. *reads the paragraphs above*

It seems I got a little carried away. I hope you don’t mind ^^

Anyhow, about school…
You send your kids to school at TWO years old?
I think I might have solved something.

Y’see, we don’t send our kids to school before they are six; infact, if I remember correctly, (human) kids don’t start forming words until they are ca. 2 years old!

My conclusion is that while humans and ponies mature at roughly the same speed, ponies simply start out as more mature!

That fits rather well with horses in our world actually; they are capable of walking shortly after birth, while humans take a lot longer. I think the first time I myself started walking was when I was one year and one month old.

The ages you go to primary and high school fits well with how it works here too, except that you start out ca. 4 years earlier than us.

University though… Is that the minimum time you can go there? Over here, you can take several types of degrees at university; a bachelor degree, with takes three years and a Masters degree, with takes 3+2 years (you are required to have a bachelor first).

I assume you have attended university? Say, this assignement you are on now, the study of the magic of friendship, is that a part of your education, or is it technically a job?
Are you funded by anyone, or is that paid by that librarian job I think you’re currently holding?

Also, finaly… I personally will vote against including human history into the required curriculum. That is not something I’d like to see young kids studying, unless they are humans themselves. Maybe as a course at university level, but not before.
A tiny bit of human culture and technology perhaps, but not history. It’s way too bloody for that.

Yours truly

Jack

Dear Jack,

I honestly don't know what to think, but I'm fine. Physically, at least.

Anyway, yeah, that is a bad translation, and I think the fact that a toy company does the translation has something to do with it. Make us more appealing for little human girls, or something like that.

Your human children seem kinda helpless when they first come out. I think you might carry them for a shorter amount of time. For us, it's 11 months.

Most Ponies go to university until eighteen, but, some have post-graduate work. Me, well, I got to the university level at around thirteen, and finished my advanced courses at around sixteen, and then began “advanced training.” She says that the Friendship training is the final part of it.

I do make a salary as the librarian, but most of my money comes from Celestia.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

This is gonna go s'cifically to Twilight or anyone she knows.
    Did you ever remember a guy named Ralph Steuber? The guy that has that name that rhymes with Goober, you know the nickname guy-guy? Well, It took me a while to even get back to the library after what happened with this riot around town. I couldn't remember the name, but they had these initials spelled out like HLF. HLF? Like, Helping Little Fauna? Heartful Legion of Friends? I don't think their name stood for anything good, because they started spouting cockamamie about Ponies trying to take away Humanity. God and Celestia, It's like they're are trying to predict when the worlds gonna end.
    Anyways, I have a question, again, I know, but please bear with me, it relates to recent letters. Now, I'm not a conspiracy nut or anything, but I THINK that something big is about to go down. Not sure, but I think. This is where the question kicks in; You Elements of Harmony (Am I sayin that right?), do you think you will be prepared for anything that might happen? Because the big thing I think that's gonna happen...it sounds bad, really bad, like life changing and stuff. Also, for preparedness, do any of you have something specific in mind to do if this serious thing happens? I'd hate to see these letter suddenly go away, I've been having more fun with em than the time when I met this one guy named Keith. He was a riot that one, had so many stories to tell, had a buddy named Ellis too, but right before I asked to talk to em again they had to head up to Atlanta for something.
    If it means anything, you got my support even if you have to take drastic measures, The worst thing that could happen would be if someone brought something lethal over to your world, and trust me, there are people like that, Nuts that cracked a long time ago. Also, remember, I'm good at a lot of things, keep in touch if you think you have something I can do to help! Unless of course it wouldn't be helpful, and then be more harmful, like how those people always ask to help you at the Grocery Stores, they are nice and all, but sometimes you just wanna push the cart and put the groceries in the trunk by yourself, because sometimes they get real annoying with where they put the milk and the soft products, don't even get me started with eggs-...Getting off topic again.
    Give a ring, alright?

...Oh, and P.S, if this letter comes after whatever BIG might happen, maybe you could just tell me if you ponies are alright? I don't even want to think of hearing about a funeral or somethin. My heart can break pretty easy, if you know what I mean.

    Ralph Steuber (Goober)

Dear Goober,

Bad things have happened. Please don't tell me they're about to get worse. Dear Celestia... I don't know if we can deal with another Stalliongrad.

Please, find out everything you can about this “HLF.”

-Twilight Sparkle

Dear Miss Twilight Sparkle,

How are you doing? I hope everything is going well in Equestria. I am writing this letter to you because I would like to know more about magic. You see, in our world there are alot of recordings and stories about magic and other supernatural things. But most of them - if not all - are not true. The recordings are wrong, they don't match each other and call things supernatural or magic which are clearly not. Truth be told, I don't trust these recordings.

I am asking you for a little explanation of the basics of magic. And some questions I have regarding this topic: Could anyone use magic or is it something you are born with? Are there different kinds of magic? Are there any boundaries, or are the only limits the users abilities?

These are all questions I have for now. I can imagine you are a busy pony and hope you can find some time to answer this letter.

Yours sincerely,

Nathan

P.S.: Would you mind telling me a bit about you and the place you live in? And maybe about some recent events? Of course only if you want to. You have to know, I am quite curious and enjoy talking.

Dear Nathan,

Equestria is in a bit of a panic lately. There's been a bit of turmoil lately. The Stalliongrad massacre, and the re-establishment of the Pantheon Council are both playing heavily on everypony's mind.

As for magic, it's a manipulation of energy and matter with the mind. This is focused through the unicorn horn, and permeates the Pegasus, although they can't control it, only Unicorns can use actual spells. There are certain limits. We can't create something out of nothing, and we can't bring Ponies back from the dead are two examples of that.

Anyway, as for where I live, I don't know if you mean my Tree House, or Ponyville as a whole, but, for both, nothing major has occurred. On a personal scale, Dash found love. I'm happy for her, she seems like she needed somepony. Of course, on a national scale, half the city of Stalliongrad was burned down by a psychopathic unicorn with a flamethrower provided by Qetuo (who was, by the way, declared an Enemy of the Principality of Equestria), killing hundreds. I guess that's just a taste of what you humans have to go through every day, though.

Thanks for Writing,

Twilight Sparkle

Dear Pokey Pierce,

So, the pegasus decided that she didn't want the money, but I know she was just being humble. Take the bits to the ponyville library. Give it to the unicorn who works there and ask her to give it to fluttershy. I don't care if you're "jonesing" for anything, Pokey. You'll get more bubbles in time. Until then, do me a favor and find some other ponies who like popping. If you do, you'll be up to your horn in bubbles.

-your suplier

P.S. Tell twilight something about me helping you with problem or some BS. She seems to think I'm taking advantage of you for some reason.

Dear Guy,

Dude... dude... I'm freaking out man. They're shutting down shipments, man! I'm scared man. Yeah, man, I'll get it to her. But... AHHHH GODS NO MORE BUBBLE WRAP!!!

-Pokey

Dear Rainbow Dash,

I have been reading through your past correspondences and I hope that, despite all that has been happening, that things are still good on your end of the universe. In any case, there were a few things that I was curious about that I was hoping you could answer for me.

1.) Assuming they don't already see them regardless, do you ever show your friends the music and videos we send you? If so, what have their reactions been?

2.) I realize that you have said in an earlier response that the Pegasi don't actively create weather phenomenon like hurricanes and tornadoes under normal circumstances, but I imagine that the ability to conjure up such destructive weather could be very useful as a way to deter invading armies or other such threats. Are the Pegasi capable of using their weather manipulation abilities in such a way, or is the whole idea far too infeasible?

I think that those are the only questions I can have to ask you for right now. On that note, I have also noticed while reading your letters that you were wondering whether or not there was footage of human beings going to the moon.

Well there is actually quite a bit of footage of the different lunar landings out there if you haven't already seen it (and are still interested in doing so).

Here is a video of the launch of Apollo 11:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGNryrsT7OI

And here is some video of Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong & Buzz Aldrin setting foot on the moon for the first time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Hq0HueNltE&playnext=1&list=PL77D8267CE5EC5575

I've also included some of my personal favorite video highlights from the later Apollo missions as well.

Apollo 15 astronaut Dave Scott demonstrates gravity on the moon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDp1tiUsZw8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The Apollo 16 astronauts salute the American flag:
http://youtu.be/nGMEn0FFQvw

And these last three videos are of the Apollo 17 crew walking around, performing experiments, and returning to Earth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V9quPcNWZE&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://youtu.be/DYDqB_G5PCo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeqT-TuNzzE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I hope that you enjoy the video footage I have sent you.

Best wishes,
IceNinja No.5

Dear IceNinja,

OH MY CELESTIA HUMANS ARE AWESOME!!!

That... thing... taking off. I could tell how fast it was going. And flying up too! I'm impressed. Like, legitimately impressed.

Also, that just seals the deal. Standing... there. On the moon. It must have been kinda overwhelming. I couldn't even imagine.

I'd go there, if I got the chance.

Anyway, on to your questions.

I've shown my friends some of the things I get sent. I've gotten mixed reactions. I'll definitely show the moon videos to them, though.

Also, that flag looks cool.

2. Well, there hasn't really been a massive invading army before. Even back in the day before the unification of Equestria, Pegasi were neutral most of the time. I guess we could if we had to, but why would we want to?

Anyway, great talkin' to yah.

-Dash

Dear Twilight,

I hope you’re fine. We didn’t have any news from Canterlot after your precipitated departure, and, well, with the solar eclipse, I guessed Luna had a pretty big argument with her sister. Even if I don’t fully understand your deity system – Celestia is the sun and all this stuff – I have to admit your god does have control on the elements they represent. Don’t tell me human warfare is scary when you live under the rule of living beings able to move astral elements. That could seem casual to you, but believe me the amount of energy necessary to achieve such a feat… just outstand my imagination. Let’s say that would represent a large amount of zeros, or thermonuclear warhead. Just to move the moon a slight bit out of it orbit.

Anyway, the sky quickly got back to normal, and since the moon hadn’t a head-shaped form on it last night, I suppose Luna is still there. Or dead. But somewhat I guess killing a god is a bit harder than telling it – otherwise, we wouldn’t have this Ignis problem, would we?

On our Staliongrad frontline, things went well. For us, at least. Another commando member had been killed a few hours ago. Her name was Wayne. I guess. Because I seriously doubt they gave us their real name. It’s not like we’re going to need it, anyway. With Nimitz’s death –remember, Firecracker got him – that’s the second loose in our ranks. I hope we won’t have to leave another corpse on the battlefield. At least, not a friendly corpse.

We’ve taken down five officers from the rebellion. Minor officers, I fear, since the battle didn’t stop a second after their death. We’ll have to find “Trot-sky” and his men, but that’s far easy to tell than to do. Intel is pretty poor, and, from the information some prisoners gave us, we learned that their HQ was somewhere in the eastern part of the city. Since the loyalist managed to secure the northern and the western districts, it wasn’t very helpful though. Besides, would you mind telling Celestia or Luna not to shoot us when we happen to be spotted by Royal Guards? A spear nearly chopped my head of yesterday, long time after your departure. I had a hard time convincing Crossman not to engage them, but if they happen to stuck us in a corner… Let’s say that they would suffer from a heavy friendly fire.

Talking of fire. I’m glad, sincerely, that Fluttershy didn’t go with us. And I’m glad you left Staliongrad soon after the Firecracker… events. When we got deeper in the city, the streets began to fill with corpses. At first, they were burned, and so were the buildings, but when we reached the downtown, we found piles of unburned bodies. Looks like the ‘popular’ rebellion found some civilians too much embarrassing.
But, well, the loyalists weren’t really better in those events. A few minutes later, we found a backyard filled with dead rebels. Obviously executed.

I’d like to say that I’m getting used to it, but no. In fact, I still got my mind just because, well, I guess I didn’t realize yet the carnages we’ve crossed. The backfire will be terrible. I don’t know if I’ll get through it with all my sanity.

I’ve to cut short. We got to keep moving. We may have spotted an advanced rebel outpost that may contain useful data about Trot-sky real position. I know that’s a lot of “may”, but well, it’s not like we have any other choice. Thanks to the mess the fights created, we can wander almost unnoticed.

Be safe,

- Gig

PS.: By the way, the chopper got back to Everfree, since we didn’t have a secured landing point in Staliongrad. I’ve heard they had a hard time when they took off, and have now some repairs to do on the hull. You may want to see how human technology works. Just be careful not to frighten the pilots. They are armed too, and I don’t want you to be shot.

Dear Gig,

You're still in Equestria?

Get out. We don't want humans here. Leave. Now.

I don't care what you're doing. Just leave. Now.

-Twilight Sparkle

Dear Pinkie Pie

Since you were probably the closest to contacting other dimensions before all of this "rift" business, I was just wondering how much involvement in the research you had?

Bonsai

P.S
On our side we have artificial sweeteners, basically fake sugar. What are your thoughts on this?

Dear Bonsai,

None! All of that “rifty” stuff is super-duper top secret.

Also, artificial sweetener is like artificial sunshine. It's not nearly as good! Give me good ol' fashioned β-D-fructofuranosyl--α-D-glucopyranoside; β-(2S,3S,4S,5R)-fructofuranosyl-α-(1R,2R,3S,4S,5R)-glucopyranoside over any of that icky 1,6-Dichloro-1,6-dideoxy-β-D-fructofuranosyl-4-chloro-4-deoxy-α-D-galactopyranoside stuff!

Love,

Pinkie-Pie♥

Dear Dashie,

As promised I pursued my idea, did some digging (it was mostly all legal >.>) , and my research has actually turned up an answer that may be correct. Bear in mind I may be off, but it's not like portals between universes pop up every day.

Anyways the simplest way to put it, because believe me to go in depth it gets hard to follow, is that those dreams are not yours but at the same time they are.

I'll just leave you with that thought for a moment.

Feeling utterly confused? Allow me to explain a little bit more. According to the multiverse theory (or one of them as there's a few variations) in every universe there is an equivalent representation of each and every person regardless as to difference in physical form. This meaning that in my universe someone is human and in say, Equestria, they are a Pony but are fundamentally the same being. So by that logic there could be an equivalent to me in your world though there's no way to know for sure. I have messed up dreams normally so it's hard to pick out anything different in them, but I digress.

As I was saying, in each universe there is an equivalent representation of each being. Not exactly the same in every way, but more or less existing in the same bit of space time. This being said the two entities could never exist in the same universe. Space would see a way of restoring balance by... neutralizing, one of them. However as our two universes have not collided and are likely not to there is what I would call a bleed effect. This means that the dreams you are having are either memories or dreams of another who is your likeness here. It is said that the power of dreams and the unconscious mind is staggering, could be why it all comes through then.

Judging by circumstance I would say that it's Ocean's vocalist. The feeling of familiarity is what indicates that to me. Why Applejack is having the same dreams.. well.. I could only attribute that to being that there is close to 7 billion of us versus 7 million of you ponies. So some might links might be shared, or you two are both just on a very similar wavelength to her universally speaking.

Does any of this pose a threat to you? No. Not as far as I can tell. There might even be some magic way to filter out such transferences in the future.

So yeah. That's the best answer I could find. Hope it at least makes some sense. If not don't worry, I barely get it either. Universal stuff is just.. a bit beyond my normal scope of studies.

Now as for language. I don't think I'll ever have much luck with Equestrian. What I do manage will sound horrid and be very very basic at best. I've already almost managed to lose my voice, so I think it'd be best left to emergency situations only. I also realize full well why you included your last two examples; I can see their usefulness. I only found some humour in it because.. ah it's stupid human irony and reasoning. Never mind. We find humour where there really shouldn't be any.

Going to give me a run for my money by the sounds of it xD Smarts are one of the only things I've got goin' for me. I can certainly say you've got a solid edge on the awesome market. Beauty.. heh, you'll have to forgive me this but the first word that comes to mind is adorable. Different worlds. Ideas on aesthetics are different. To you Ponies we probably just look outright freakin' strange.

The 80th? Hm.. if my math's right that'd put it somewhere in around the 11th of August by our timetable give or take a few days. Mine's a month earlier on July 13th. Which would be the... 22nd day of summer.. I think.

And lastly, 3 ribs. On a mountain top. Wow. I permanently limp and the injury that caused it wasn't even that epic. To you what's a rookie mistake is pretty badass to me. I mean it's not like us humans often collide with mountains. No. I'm more inclined to falling in ditches and wrenching my knee. Injuries. Fun stuff no matter what causes them, eh?

Take care,

Archaeo

P.S. - Oh sure suuurrreee. Blame it all on her. You were just the innocent little mare influenced by the wild DJ. I get ya ;P

Don't sweat it Dash! Doesn't change my opinion of you none. Would be awfully shallow if I let it.

Dear Archaeo,

I need specific examples. What are your theories, man? Last night, I had a dream that I was some kinda lizard thing, and I was on a train or something... I dunno. Then, like, the night before, there was this thing where I was like... some kinda human baby, but... wow, it's hard to explain. It was creepy, man. Too creepy. I think it has something to do with this.

I asked AJ, she had the same dreams. Exactly.

I have a couple questions:

1) Who is Hansel?

2) What is a Maiasaurus?

3) What in the Sweet Holy Hell is a Care Bear?

Adorable, eh? Hey, man, I'll take adorable. I've never really thought of myself as smart, but... I dunno. I have a good memory, and I learn quick. Now Pinkie-Pie... she's almost... creepily smart sometimes. Like, knows things no normal Pony would know. For example, she built a flying machine in all of four seconds.

I don't know how she does it.

Also, I'm just a sweet, innocent Pony who knows nothing about anything like that. It was all that dastardly DJ P0N-3 and her... evil, liberal antics... that are destroying Equestria, and corrupting a sweet, innocent, Pony like me! Won't somepony please think of the foals! :)

Also, I've fallen in my fair share of ditches too. That was during my “rebellious stage” in Manehattan. One time, I woke up (in a ditch, of course) with all my hair dyed green, except for the stripe that's usually green (which was dyed pink), and a note that said “Hey Flash [sic], grate [sic] nite [sic] last nite [sic]. Sorry 'bout your apartment.” Considering the fact I didn't live in an apartment (I crashed with friends, mostly.) I'm kinda concerned as to what happened

Sincerely,

Dash

PS: Happy Birthday... soon, I guess.

PPS: I still think this “Ashleigh Ball” person is the key. What has she done? I know she's a singer, but has she done anything else? Look into it, man.

Dear Twilight,

It seems you and some of your friends have been under quite a bit of stress lately, so I sent something over to cheer you guys up.

Enclosed is a DVD of the movie Finding Nemo. It's about a clownfish who journeys across the ocean searching for his lost son. For the animation, computers were used to create a three-dimensional look.

The company responsible for this film is praised for making some of the greatest animated movies of the decade, maybe of all time, and this is one of their most famous works. It's certainly one of my favorites. I'd think it would be fun if you all got together and watched it.

If I did everything right, there should be an Equestrian subtitles option. I don't know if you'll be able to use the DVD, but you can't find the whole thing online (copyright issues and such), so it's really the only option. I can work something out if you're having problems with it.

I hope you enjoy it! Remember that the times you have fun are even more precious in this sort of situation.

-Sumomo

Dear Sumomo,

Thanks for the movie. I watched it, and I liked it a lot. The animation was really high quality. It helped me kinda take my mind off the whole “Stalliongrad” thing, for a little while at least, and for that, I thank you.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

Dear Fluttershy,

Sorry crazy people keep sending you messages. We’re not all bad, you know.

I have a few questions for you:

1. How does your Stare work? It’s pretty impressive!

2. Who is your best friend in the group?

3. Is Pinkie Pie as crazy as she seems?

4. Are there any animals you don’t get along with, or are you friends with all of them?

Also, you seem to not have much to say when you reply to people. Are there any questions you’d like to have answered?

Sophie

P.S. You’re my second favorite pony, after Rarity, cause you’re the nicest.

Dear Sophie,

I know you're not all bad, most of the messages I've gotten are nice.

1. I don't know how it works. It just... does.

2. I like all of them equally.

3. She's...uh...unique.

4. There are some animals that are... difficult, but I love all of my animal freinds!

Oh... uh... you want me to ask you a question. Okay... uh... what's your favourite kind of animal?

Sincerely,

Fluttershy

Dear Rarity,

First of all, you’re my favorite pony, mostly because you show people that it’s okay to be feminine, and that you can still be strong even if you’re not a tomboy. Second, I have a question about your magic. Do you use magic for the whole process of designing, or just some of it? On a scale of 1-10 (10 being Celestia magic) how strong is it?

Thanks,

Sophie

Dear Sophie,

Thank you for writing, and I'm glad I'm your favourite! It means a lot to me. Although, some of the “tomboy” ponies (I assume you mean Dash and Applejack) are quite feminine, too.

As for my magic abilities, I would rate it at, oh, a three, maybe a four on a good day? Twilight would be a nine, I suppose, perhaps a nine point five.

Magic does help, dear. We aren't all blessed with hands (what I wouldn't give for them sometimes!)

Sincerely,

Rarity

I have a few questions, and perhaps some inference to lay out.

1. Do equestrians ever get acne? Not-so-sporadic boils and 'zits' that appear on mostly on the face. Fungal infections not included.
2. Have you made any progress in regards to Pinkie's musical abilities? I theorize that all equestrians are mildly synesthetic, meaning you infer various senses based on others. So, the music you hear when she starts singing is your brain processing the information presented by Pinkie's movement, smell, and, well, singing.
I ask, and suggest an answer, because we have such effectual happenings here too.
3. An estonian has been corresponding with you, correct? Has he told you about his nation's history?
It's quite interesting. They beat a repressive government with song and dance. They easily fit with the likes of Gandhi (supreme pacifist, "I will suffer a thousand deaths [rather than] kill one person [to change the world]," or something like that).
4. Have unicorns ever replaced their horns with metal analogs?

Thanks,
Marcelli

Dear Marcelli,

1. Occasionally, but, like, we have fur, so it's not that common of a thing. You guys must get it something fierce.

2. Uh sure why not.

3. I'd like to hear that! That's kinda awesome.

4. No, no they haven't.

Sincerely,

Dash

Dear Applejack,

I had two rather simple questions I hope you can answer for me.

Now, I live in an area that is largely used for agriculture with orchards taking up most of the land. Apple orchards to be more precise. I myself have never worked on one however in passing I have seen how they are run. What I am wondering is how you manage to harvest the crop from what appears to be a massive orchard, with little help. (I am aware that your friends do sometimes assist.)

Do not get me wrong on this one. I am not doubting your strength, stamina, or work ethic. I'm simply looking at it from what I know. Here it takes a large group to tend an orchard many times smaller than Sweet Apple Acres, so it would reason you would need a huge number of extra han-.. erh.. hooves to get the job done. Do you hire on extra help? Is it just you and Big Mac with occasional help from your friends? Maybe I'm simply underestimating the strength of an earth pony. You certainly seem to be more resilient then most humans.

Either way, I'm honestly curious.

The second thing I was wondering about was, has any member of the Apple clan ever followed a path other than the orchard business? Be it for another crop or a different profession entirely?If so, are they, if you'll excuse the term, the black sheep, of the family?

That's all for now. Hope to hear from you.

Cordially,

Archaeo

Dear Archaeo,

Are you sayin' I can't buck my own applefeild by myself? Sure, I hire a bit of help when it gets heavy, but still, I could do the whole thing with my front legs tied behind my back!

Well, we have someponys in the apple distribution game, if that counts.

Anyway, great talkin with you,

Applejack

It's Jeb. Remember the other Jeb? This is that Jeb. I'm writing this to you to see if you are okay. The Bureaus closed for a little while.

I am wanting to make a proposition.
Not anything involving money though.
It's based through the letters.
In each letter I will send a song.
Maybe ask a question or two about certain things. The questions won't have to be answered, some are rhetorical.

I want to see what you think about certain elements of life.
It would help me in figuring out exactly what differs between Humans and Equestrians. Do you mind if I call your kind Equestrians? I hope I'm not saying something racially mean.

The questions pertaining could be as simple as; Do you find Carrot Cake to taste better than Velvet Cake? They can also be tricky; At what point would a person playing charades, become what's on the mask?

If this doesn't suit you, I would at least like to send the songs I was talking about.
Here, for example, I'll send the first song.
This is an old song, but it's been played by many artists.
It's called 'What'll I Do', this version is sung by Harry Nilsson, rest in peace.
And yes, it will be translated.
With that new technology they were talking about at the Bureau.
Basically makes the English sound like Equestrian. And Vice Versa for us.

For those who won't know where to find it, I'll leave a Youtube link to it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQD4uRZ51ng&feature=channel_video_title
There was also a great documentary about this singer, but I won't leave that in unless you want it, and accept the proposition.

Thanks for listening to my previous letter, I was expecting it to be scrapped.

Take good care Dash, unless you would prefer me calling you Ms. Dash.
Or in the future Mrs. Dash. Heh, I saw that you and Storm are together. You two seem like you belong.
Jeb.

Dear Jeb,

Sounds pretty good, although it'd probably be better in the original English. Call us Equestrians, Ponies, Tiny Horses, I don't care. Just don't call me 'Bow.

So, what next?

-Dash

Dear Agent C,

HOLY SHIT!!

I mean seriously, Holy shit, stuff happened!

I'm still sorting it out as to what exactly happened because Holy Shit! whatever it was, it happened.

What this means for you is that we will have to put some plans on hold. So, for now, simply continue with your observations.

Also, just for fun, use that magic necklace of yours to turn Applejacks apples trees into orange trees.

Sincerely,

Qetuo

Dear Qetuo,

I know. It was glorious. I shall wait, master.

And it shall be done.

-Agent C

Dear Fluttershy,

Hey! It's me again! Your bestest best friend!

I just thought I'd let you know that I've upgraded my cyborg parts! Now I'm about 76% robot!

Now then as you are aware, stuff happened. I'd like to take this opportunity to make amends.

To show that I am genuine, here are some Molotov cocktails, my favorite kind of cocktail. I guarantee you'll like them.

Well, I've some info to sort through so by for now.

Sincerely,

Qetuo

P.S. Also, it turns out that some of the crocodiles in the crocopit laid eggs because now they're hatching. You mind taking care of some baby crocodiles for a while?

Dear Qetuo,

You're in big trouble, mister! They're out for your blood, all the gods, even Ignis (which I'm not, by the way!)

The molotovs got stopped at the border. I didn't get them.

Don't ever write me again,

Fluttershy

PS: Well, I suppose it's not your crocodiles fault...

Dear Gummy,

Well Gummy, I'm not quite sure what happened, I just thought I'd tell you that on my planet, you would be used to make a purse.

Sincerely,

Qetuo

Dear Simple Minded Human,

We would do the same to you on my planet, oh ape one. Bear that in mind, mammal, when the Naga come for you.

“Gummy”

Dear Berry Punch,

Let's cut to the chase.

I need to see what you taste like, send me some blood, spit, hair, whatever.

I need to know if you actually taste like punch.

I'll pay you.

Sincerely,

Bob from accounting.

Dear Bob,

It's all attached!

You're a nice human.

-Berry Punch

Dear Cloudkicker,

I SHALL SMITE YOU WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS!!!!!

YOU SHALL RUE THE DAY MEET!! FOR IT WILL BE YOUR LAST!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Signed,

The Unthinkable Man and his pet pig, Snorkel

Dear Unthinkable Man,

Okay.

-Cloud Kicker

PS: Say hi to Snorkel for me.

Dear Princess Luna,

I am glad your plot succeeded – I suppose Celesita doesn’t read your mail anymore, by the way. Although it wasn’t exactly what we have planned, we are pleased to see Equestria’s pantheon at peace once again.

Our men started their intervention on the Staliongrad front. They didn’t cross any unexpected difficulties, and so far their casualties are low. However, if your Royal Guards keep shooting at them, it may induce some unfortunate friendly fire incidents.

Still, we hope the situation to be resolved very soon. Just make sure that the population never knows about humans sent in Equestria to assassinate ponies. It shouldn’t be hard to dissimulate them in the confusion of the war, but still, we had a few echoes of UFO incidents in Equestria – with our stealth chopper, obviously. This regrettable incident was due to an unfortunate damage on the hull that prevented the pilots from getting too high, and made them land near a farm to grab some materials. But it shouldn’t be a problem.

Sincerely,

- A friend

Dear A Friend,

Things are starting to calm down. We just had our first vote, and we decided to keep Celestia in charge for now, and then rotate every three years. Leadership will go to me next, then Caeli, then Ignis, then Maris, then Nexus (I'm kind of frightened about that) and so on...

As for the assassinations... I'm sorry it had to come to that. I wish it didn't have to, and I hope it never has to again. The Royal Guards will stand down. I take it you've rooted out most of the Communists? It's funny, we're moving towards a more left-wing society anyway, without this “revolution” of theirs.

Also, it's Scootaloo, isn't it? Do not harm her. She doesn't know what she's doing.

If you harm her, there will be war between our two dimensions. You will contend with the full wrath of all of the gods of Equestria.

So just keep that in mind, okay?

-Luna

Mornin’ Dash (and Storm Chaser too, if she’s there)

Are you allright too?
As far as I understood, there was some commotion over there about Ignis and a bunch of other deities returning?

Well, if you’re okay (which I certainly hope), I’m just going to carry on like nothing much has happened, like I did with Twilight.

If you’re NOT okay… Then my condolences to anyone left behind who may read this letter.

Yeah, most fanfics I have seen portray Spitfire as atleast bi. For some reason, athletic people seem to be commonly stereotyped as either bi or gay. *shrug*

Hmm, maybe I chose a really bad screen-name then. Not that my real name would be any better, since you also seem to have problems with the “th” sound.

Hm. 15 languages… that’s really few. Atleast, it sounds like that to me… Say, “Equestria” refers to the entire world, correct? Or is it just a country? If so, how much of the planet does it cover, roughly? Don’t include the seas.
And while at it, how many sentient beings (preferably separated by species) does Equestria (the world) contain? I’m sort of curious to the actual difference here… Okay, 6 billion is a LOT of people, but we’re still growing.
I think the current predictions say we’ll stabilize at ca. 10 billion, give or take a billion, once we get the entire world up to the technological standard which the rich countries (usually called “western countries”, since almost all of us are located in the west) have.

Yeah… I think greed is genetically hard-coded into us. I think I have seen up to several documentaries that says that… However, some have it more than others.
And, humans aren’t the worst either; some species of monkeys (which, as I think you already know, is our cousins in the animal kingdom) are literally incapable of doing stuff unless it benefits themselves too. As in, they are so genetically coded for greed, they will refuse to help fellow monkeys if they don’t get something too.

The thing is, we humans are the only species on this planet with a brain large enough to organize this greed. Luckely, it’s getting less and less common… I kinda have a theory that the “greed-gene”, if it exists, will eventually either die out (since none really likes a greedy person), or isolate itself into a subspecies of human.

Atleast… that’s what I hope. Though, SOME greed must be there. We have to have just enough to take care of ourselves too.
I’m thinking just about as much greed as your average pony has; enough to have a healthy life, but not so much that you ruin other peoples lives because of it.

Oh, and good luck to you and Storm Chaser!

Yours truly

Eehhyeahzzzz (Jack)

Dear Jack,

First of all, it's night here.

Second of all, uh... things are good I guess. It's hard to get that sorta thing out of your mind, but, I'm just glad I could stop her.

Equestria is the entire world. We are one world, one nation, one language, with a few other minor ones. As for how big Equestria's landmass is, it's uh... lemme check... about 68,000,000 square kilometers. So yeah.

10 billion is just... too many. Like... way too many.

Maybe this whole “monkey” thing stuck around in you. Hopefully it'll die out. That's an interesting theory you've got there.

Anyway, as for Storm Chaser... she's coming back tonight! I'm so excited! We're really happy together. I think she's the one. No, scratch that. I know she's the one. I love that Pony more than anything in the world. Still, we gotta find a way to move in together. I'm sick of this long-distance stuff already.

Wait... what's that?

Oh, man. Sorry, gotta cut this letter short. There's a knocking at my door. I think it's her.

And I'm gonna be too “busy” to write anymore. :P

-Dashie