Letters From and To Equestria

Dear Apple Bloom,

It's good that you're trying so many things when you're young. A lot of people have given you good advice, so I won't add to it and tell you good luck.

As for Scootaloo; well, you really need to ask her yourself what's going on. Friends shouldn't talk about friends behind their back. You need to be able to trust her enough to be direct with her. Most importantly, remember that the friendship is the most important thing. Even if what she says makes you angry or upset, be clear with her that you are most concerned with how she's doing. Sometimes people do bad things for what they think are good reasons.

Hope I didn't sound too much like Twilight lecturing there. Speaking of Twilight - your last letter said you tried "nuclear fission", which I'm hoping is just a translation error. Could you take your letter to Twilight and have her check that? Nuclear fission is high-level human technology, which could cause ... problems.

Here's an old book of activities that human children do, maybe you'll get some ideas:
http://books.google.com/ebooks/reader?id=eWnD-k71W2MC&printsec=frontcover&output=reader

Best of luck,

Tony Meman

Dear Tony Meman,

Well howdy there!

Welp, I s'pose I should talk to her. Still, can't really imagine what she'd do...

Thanks for the book, Mr!

-Apple Bloom

PS: I tried nuclear fission, never said it worked. Couldn't find any dang plutonium!

Dear Rarity,

I am sorry, but I cannot release that information to you. It's highly classified and delicate - let's just say if it gets into the wrong hands, both of our universes are the target for an anti-matter bomb with enough power to wipe out entire galaxies.

And no, I am not calling you fat. I'm just saying that because of your pearly-white coat, you look like a marshmellow (which is also white). And I love marshmellows, especially in hot chocolate. No that is not implying anything... If you want.

Anyways, I better get back to saving the world - I mean, galaxy. Galaxies.

-ZettaLux

PS: If you don't want to take a bath in liquid chocolate like I might have implied above, you don't have to. But you know if you ever do... Nevermind. You probably don't want to - because chocolate sucks, right? I mean a bath of CHOCOLATE. Who would want to do that.

Dear ZettaLux,

Oh dear, an anti-matter bomb, you say. Well, that doesn't sound very good, now does it?

Perhaps one should be a bit more careful with one's words, then. And no, I'm not going to take a bath in chocolate. That would be a waste of far too much chocolate. I'd never hear the end of it from Pinkie Pie!

Well, good luck with the whole... galaxy saving... business. I talked to Derpy, and did what you told me to. She seemed quite... knowing.

-Rarity

Dear Rainbow Dash,

Here is my question:

What do you smell and taste like?

Now, before you crumple up this letter in a heap, let me make two things clear:

1. I have no desire to eat you
2. I have no desire to have sex with you

The reason I ask my bizarre question is frankly I read too many fan fictions and comics. You see, in shipping stories every pony seems to have a set taste. Bon-Bon tastes like bonbons, Colgate tastes minty, Berry Punch tastes like berry Punch, Applejack tastes like apples, Pinkiepie tastes like cotton candy, etc. Weird, I know. Which, leads me to you. They typically claim you taste and smell like skittles. Skittles are a very tasty candy on earth (I enclosed a pack). Skittles' slogan is "Taste the rainbow!" I believe that's why your associated with them, still it is really weird. Hm, maybe it would have been better to ask Stormchaser what you taste like. Ha ha.

-Ethan a.k.a. EEeetrtraahh, the ex-supplier (Stupid new policies)

P.S. Do you know if Rarity is into humans? I asked Twilgiht, and she said no, but I'm pretty sure that's just because Twilight hates me.
P.P.S. What does Stormchaser look like? What's her cutie mark?
P.P.P.S. You're awesome

Dear Ethan,

Woooooooooooooooowwwwwwww... it's a good thing you said you don't want to eat/have sex with me because that would seem like a really weird question.

Uh... I smell... normal I guess? I dunno, I take two showers a day if that's what you're implying. And I have no idea what I taste like. You should probably ask that French guy. He's...eaten horses before, apparently, so probably something like that.

You sure you don't wanna eat me? 'cause I'm not going down without a fight.

Anyway, the Skittles got stopped at the border. They ain't letting ANYTHING physical through, the fascists. Still, I can assure you that I don't taste like Skittles.

Unless they make Skittles from horse meat. They don't, right?

Rarity's not into humans. Because she is a Pony. Don't worry Ethan, one day you'll find a Pony with a human fetish and you'll be able to find out what we taste like! ;)

Storm Chaser looks kinda like me, but prettier. (and I'm pretty attractive!) Alternating blue and yellow streaked hair, a light grey coat. Her “Cutie Mark,” if that's what you wanna call it, is a tornado getting struck by two lightning bolts. Not just one. Two.

Hell yeah.

Anyway, thanks for calling me awesome and everything, you sick, twisted bastard :)

Love,

Dashie

PS: A cunnilingus joke, really?

Derpy Hooves,

This. This is not good. We are aware of their anti-matter weapons, and our tech is simply not advanced enough to obtain anti-matter in great quantity (but we do have the primitive tech to produce anti-matter temporarily). Sources over here say the Greenskins have approximately enough anti-matter to wipe out half of our Milky Way. And let me tell you, not a lot of anti-matter for that is required. We, however, are currently developing our own weapon to counter this. Just so you know, Project Skyfury is just the start.

We are aware of their kind among us. We know they currently control most of Europe, but I assure you it's under control. They can control our government, but they can't control us. Archives of the Big-Hat guy are being researched into.

As for your instructions - you should have recieved a location from Rarity. Go there, and find the giant rock by the edge of the cliff that has been split in two. Reports from our operations in Canterlot say that a meteor approximately 200 years ago landed in that area - we think that the 'giant rock' that Rarity encountered is said meteor. Gems inside of it probably have been emptied out, but the rock itself has the possibility of containing Ununpentium. Stable Ununpentium, and possibly in solid form - judging from its size, more than enough for what we need. More importantly, however, there many be traces of Higgs Boson. It is more than important that you retrieve this.

Golden Spiral is relying on you.

Again, more muffins are attached.

-ZettaLux

Burn after reading.

Muffin, ZettaLux,

Big hat guy is in Rome. Vatican. Thats him. Look for “Nostradamus Lost Prophecies” Section 21, 18. Only one copy in world, in Big Hat Guy archives.

Ununpentium is good, ununhexium is better.

Crystal Skulls. Laser disk reader. Ancient message, binary. Decode.

Reagan, Queen Elizabeth, Thatcher, Obama, Bush, Harper, Sarkozy all reptiles. 157 world leaders are reptiles, rest are pawns. Zurich is HQ. Bilderberg is reptiles .Fortune 500? Reptiles. They're after you, they're reptiles.

Watermellon skateboard coffee cup.

-Derpy

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

It's really nice to see you feeling better after everything that has happened to you, especially after witnessing the massacre at Stalliongrad. I also sincerely hope that things work out between you & Gig, both for your sake and his.

If you are still interested in accepting book recommendations, then I would highly recommend to you the book Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. It is a book that explores the development of human civilization, and is a book that I feel provides one of the most compelling explanation as to why humanity progressed and developed the way it did.

Unfortunately, since I apparently can't send you a physical copy of the book at this time, I hope that you will be satisfied with the next best thing - A video of the documentary based on the book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgnmT-Y_rGQ&playnext=1&list=PL21D82E72068E3035

On a somewhat related note, I'd also like to say that I fully respect your decision never to teach human beings how to use magic. That being said, now that our two worlds are apparently connected now, do you worry about the possibility that humanity, given enough time and contact with ponykind, could learn how to perform and control magic without the assistance of ponies such as yourself? What about the ability to manipulate the weather like the pegasi, or even the ability to micromanage the ecosystem that all the ponies of your world seem to share. Do you foresee humans ever being able to do those things as well as ponykind apparently can?

I think that those are the only questions I have to ask you at this time. Once again, I'm really glad to see that you are feeling better now. Good luck and best wishes to you.

Sincerely,
IceNinja No.5

P.S. In an earlier letter of mine, I sent Rainbow Dash a bunch of video footage from the Apollo missions (the ones where we went to the moon). Has she gotten a chance to show them to you yet? If so, I hope that you found them as awesome as she apparently did.

P.P.S. Recently, some our scientists discovered a star out in space that sprayed out water:
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/06/110613-space-science-star-water-bullets-kristensen/
I realize that this info isn't particularly relevant to any other part of my letter, but it seemed like the sort of thing that you, as an astronomer, would find interesting.

Dear IceNinja,

Thanks for the movie. It's really interesting to see how your society developed. We started out as small herds that eventually started farming and developing towns and cities. Also, I just realized, this is my first view of a human city. It's kind of... daunting... with all those high towers, and lights, and rolling metal things, isn't it.

Anyway, the fact that one society could completely dominate another is just kind of... oddly familiar. Before the foundation of Equestria, the Unicorns had massive tracts of Earth Pony land under their control. I suspect that technology is your equivalent to magic.

It's not that I don't think humans should have magic because I think humans are evil, it's just that your society is set up in a more competitive basis, and you will use it violently. I have done my best to prevent humanity from aquiring magic, but, it seems like more and more humans are getting magical abilities every day.

I saw the footage, and again, the level that your technology has reached astounds me.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

PS: Hmm... interesting... water from stars... I've never really considered that possibility before. I'll have to ask Celestia, considering she is a star.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

To: The Solar Matriarch

The spirit is a fragile thing, Solis. You'd be surprised how the tiniest crack upon its polished surface can turn into a ragged fissure with the slightest agitation.

Riddles aside, we have no intention of harming your pupil. At least not in any physical way.

Cheers,
EoD

EoD,

Do not contact her, do not talk to her, do not think about her, or there will be consequences. Deadly consequences.

Do you think I cannot reach you in your dimension? Fool. I am a god! I can reach you in whatever reality you may be in.

Don't trifle with me.

-Celestia

Dash

Dashie? Hahah, I feel honored that you're signing your letters to me with that nickname! Though I hope you don't mind if I still call you just plain ol' "Dash." It just seems...well, cooler than Dashie to me!

Oh man, don't get me started with Pinkie and our foodstuffs over here. She'd probably get her first taste of a soda and buy out an entire store's worth of Coca-cola or Mountain Dew. Not to mention the fact that a lot of our stuff over here doesn't actually use real sugar, they use something called High Fructose Corn Syrup, which is actually sweeter than pure can sugar (also a lot less healthy for you, what with being artificially produced and such). Oh jeeze, and heaven forbid someone gives her an energy drink! You think Pinkie-Pie is bad now? You'd probably swear she was made of rubber what with all the bouncing off walls she'd do if she downed a Red Bull or a Monster (those are brand names for some of the energy drinks around here - not actual bulls or monsters). As for the Florida Gators, some research has shown that it's actually a whole bunch of teams for the University of Florida which share the same name. Baseball, Football, Basketball...they all seem to be named "The Florida Gators". Guess it's a bit of a catch-all.

Er...well, it's hard to explain, scientifically. In laymans terms, the moon popped out of existence for a brief second before reappearing directly in front of the sun to eclipse it, before zipping back to where it's supposed to normally be. Weird? Yes. Sign of the Apocalypse? I doubt it. There have been people throughout history who have claimed to know when the world was ending, and the dates have come and gone without anything happening. And yeah, religious nuts. Crazy people who take religion too seriously and focus almost entirely on the doom and gloom of said religions, especially the end of the world scenarios. I'm sure you guys have ponies who walk about with signs hanging from their saddles, proclaiming "The End of the World is Neigh!" And stuff. Er. "Nigh", sorry. I think your ponyterms are starting to rub off on me (I actually said "somepony" in a casual conversation with one of my friends yesterday, can you believe that?).

So Storm Chaser's back, eh? Still going at it like rabbits too, from the sounds of it. I kid, I kid. Hey Storm, watch her back, will ya? I'm sure you already know by now but Dash is quite the risk-taker and thrill-seeker - sounds like you'd be perfect for the job of reminding her of her limits or if she's getting in over her head.

I like talking to you too! Sorry I don't have an actual question for you this time, I can't really think of anything else I might want to ask you that isn't incredibly stupid or dull to talk about. Feel free to ask me any though, I'm sure some of you ponies must be noticing how one-sided these letters seem to be - seems like some of us humans are more knowledge-hungry than Twilight is!

-Scherzo-

Dear Scherzo,

Dash, Dashie, Rainbow, Rainbow Dash, “The blue one that can fly,” Hasbro trademark number 76466623, filed November 13th, 2002 (I looked it up, also, turns out that I got no legal fallback against them, cause technically I “don't exist” in your world. They can slap my name on “interactive entertainment software, namely, interactive video game programs, interactive multimedia computer game programs, interactive video games of virtual reality comprised of computer hardware and software; computer game software; computer and video game apparatus, namely, video game machines for use with televisions; telephones; radio telephones; radios; pre-recorded audio and video tapes featuring music; laser discs, DVD discs, video discs, phonograph records, compact discs, and CD-ROMs.”). Just don't call me 'bow.

What is “Hasbro” anyway? I know they make toys and whatnot, but, like, what do they do? Who are they?

Yeah, that High Fructose Corn syrup stuff sounds like something Pinkie should never, ever get access to. And Energy drinks? Well, that goes without saying. “Red Bull” and “Monster” sound needlessly macho.

As for that moon stuff, well'p, I'm no scientist, but that doesn't sound normal to me.

We don't really have any “end of the world” scenarios in our myths. Maybe that's 'cause the gods stick around and... well, do whatever they do. Honestly, I don't think they need them. They should just do their stuff to keep nature running the way it should, and let Ponies run our own business. Also “neigh.” Haha. Horse puns. “Neigh” is Equestrian for “the” by the way. I guess this is a good time to tell you how I'm doing on the English-front. I've basically mastered it now. How can you tell? Well, I didn't use the translator for this letter. I'm starting to be able to speak it better, too. It's all about closing all the muscles at the back of the throat, and talking from the chest (I don't like doing that much, though.) I can't believe I actually got a hang of this stuff before Twilight did. She's still at like, a basic-level of understanding for English. I think she thinks too much about it, while I just dive right in.

Also, apparently I'm the first mortal Pony to speak fluent English. Well, I don't have any proof for that, but, it makes sense, right?

Maybe one day I'll stop by earth for a visit. But then I guess Hasbro wouldn't own the rights to my name anymore, would they?

As you can tell, I don't really like corporations. Particularly corporations that think they own me.

Anyway, things with Storm are still going good. “Going at it like Rabbits, huh?” well, I guess you can say that. But, we do have to take breaks sometimes, you know. Honestly, I'm happy just holding her.

And don't worry, she's keeping me in line.

Okay, you want questions?

What's a human city like? What do you do for fun? Typical day in a humans life, particularly you. How's your government set up, and why does Hasbro own my name from eight years before contact was established?

Sincerely,

Hasbro Trademark 76466623,

Or just Dash

Dear Dashie,

I have good news and some bad news.

The good news is that the concert has been approved and the set list has been finished. We will have around 38 songs on the set list. So, Stalliongrad is getting all the payments done by the government, that’s good.

The bad news is that this will be the last letter I write to you in a while. I’ve been really busy lately and have only barely been able to write letters in what little free time I have. So, I hope you and Storm Chaser have the best of times.

Heya! I’m Len Kagamine and I’m gonna start writing letters to you! :) I have so many questions like, “What’s it like to walk on clouds?” and “How does a Rainbow get made?”

Sincerely,

Kaito and Len!

P.S. What kind of holidays do they have in Equestria?

Dear Kaito and Len,

Yeah, they're starting to rebuild now, but... you just can't heal something like that. The people that lived through that, they'll have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

Ah well, life gets in the way like that, huh? Good luck with the album!

Anyway, on to Len.

Clouds are weird things. They can be light and fluffy or hard as a rock, it's all about the amount of pressure you put on 'em. It's hard to describe, considering I've been walking on clouds since, well, the day I was born. Uh... picture a pillow that can turn into water vapour that can turn into rock.

Rainbows are made with a combination of light, and a magical thickening agent (good luck doing that with your “science” and your “technology.” Physics? HAH! We laugh at physics!) that allows for easy transportation.

As for Holidays, there are four big ones. Summer solstice (I just got off Summer solstice break, by the way.), which has the Summer Sun Celebration, the Winter solstice, which has the Winter Moon Celebration, and then the Fall and Spring Equinoxes, which both have feasts. There are smaller ones, too. Winter Wrap-up (which I like to call “Unpaid Labour Day”), and Nexus day, which is where we tell ghost stories and celebrate death. A bit macabre, but it's all fun. This year's is gonna be awesome now that Nexus is actually back!)

Love,

Dashie

Dear Pinkie Pie,

It's me again! Your good ol' friend Dan. How are things going on over there? Better yet, how's Gummy doing? How often do you spend time with him? Does he ever, I don't know, seem to be plotting the destruction of both of our galaxies?

Hahh! I'm just kidding... But if coincidence just happens to pop up and he is, then wow. I would love to absolutely know exactly what his plans would be and also the binary code that unlocks the orbital defence of his homeplanet. I mean, slim chance that he would have such possessions, right? I love a good joke! (But if it turns out to be true out of pure coincidence, just let me know).

Anyways, enough of the Lord of the Naga - I mean, Gummy. Let's talk about my absolutely favourite pink-pony!

Had any parties lately? I did! Even though in the following morning I had a massive headache, I had lots and lots of fun. Have you ever been to a bonfire? It's like an out-door party/get together during the night where you have a nice fire going. I would say it's kind of like camping, but without the camping part.

And onto the topic of sleeping, I find that I have the growing urge to hug my pillow to sleep. Like, I can't sleep without hugging something. If only that pillow were instead a pink, squirmy pony, that would really make my night. Sometimes I find that, after an exhausting but awesome party, I need something to hug alllll the tiredness away.

Anyways, much <3,
Dan

Dear Dan,

Gummy? Plotting the destruction of our galaxies? I think you might be just a liiittttle crazy, my friend, but it's okay, I even wrote a song about it!

Sometimes the voices,

They tell us what to doooooooooo,

They give us all these weird thoughts,

and paranoia tooooooooooo,

But when you're goin' crazy,

There's just one thing to say,

The voices aren't real,

So let's just go and play!

HEY!

Ignore the voices in your head,

And whatever they said,

Because even if you don't check your locks fifteen hundred times a day,

You probably won't end up dead!

HEY!

Ignore the voices in your head,

They don't got much to say!

Instead of plotting elaborate revenge schemes,

Just go out and play!

HEY!

Orrrrrr else they'll lock you uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppp.

Oooh! I love camping,

Anyway, good talking to you!

-Pinkie Pie ♥

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I didn't mean to make you so tense with my last letter - I didn't realize things would get as bad as they did. My condolences to all of you. I've put together some things to help you relax.

Here's a painting called "Starry Night" by Vincent van Gogh. It's impressionist, so it's meant to show the emotion of looking at the night sky over a city instead of being technically accurate.
http://www.vangoghgallery.com/painting/images21/thumbnail/starrynight.jpg

To make up for technical accuracy, here's a formation we can see in the night sky. We call it the "Horsehead Nebula". Do you also have this formation, since you share so many of our constellations? It's in Orion.
http://www.nasa.gov/images21/content/52238main_MM_image_feature_89_jw4.jpg

Here's a young human playing a piece of music by Mozart, perhaps the greatest human composer who has ever lived.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXjbz4TQOyM

Here are some non-human musicians. Humpback whales are large mammals that live in our ocean and communicate over many miles with singing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo2bVbDtiX8

Here's a picture of a flower we call a poppy. It's pretty on its own, but it also has medicinal effects to help people relax. AJ might have gotten some in that big gift package, you could ask her.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/18/Illustration_Papaver_somniferum0.jpg

On a more serious note, Apple Bloom told me she had tried "nuclear fission". This is the same technology that humans use to make those dreadful weapons someone told you about back when these letters had started. If you ponies have access to that, you're going to need to take some serious steps. These human weapons are incredibly hard to make, so the odds of them being made in your world are very low, but you still should work on security. I'll tell you more if this doesn't just turn out to be a false alarm.

Oh, dear, I'm probably making you worry again! Relax, this can all be handled.

Tony Meman

Dear Tony,

Wait... you have Orion too? That's... interesting. We also have the Ponyhead nebula, too. What other constellations do you have?

Thanks for all the human culture!

-Twilight Sparkle

Dear Marklar,

I am Marklar from the Marklar Marklar. It is a Marklar to meet you.

We have been observing Marklar for some time and would wish to extend a Marklar to open up Marklar Marklar between your Marklar and our Marklar.

With the Marklar of Marklar, both our Marklar will flourish in a new Marklar of Marklar and Marklar.

I ask you to accept our Marklar, for the good of all Marklar and Marklar.

Sincerely,

Marklar, Marklar Marklar of Marklar.

Dear Marklar,

We are very interested in opening Marklar with Marklar.

Marklar would benefit the Marklar and the Marklar for Marklar to come.

Thank you,

Marklar, Marklar of the Marklar

(Celestia, Goddess of the Sun)

Dear Rarity's sister AKA The-One-Who-Must-Never-Be-Named,

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Why must I never be named? I already have a name and everbody calls me by that name all the time and nothing bad has ever happened."

Well then miss smarty pants, just for your information, every time someone says your name, two kittens die and an elephant goes on a violent rampage.

Watch, Sweetie Belle. See? Two kittens just died and an elephant is starting a rampage. And two more kittens died and another elephant id going on a rampage because you just said your name inside your head while reading this.

That's four dead kittens and two rampaging elephants all because of you!!!! YOU MONSTER!!!

Sincerely,

The-Man-Who-Can-Be-Named-Because-He's-Not-A-Monster-Like-You

Dear Man,

But... but... I... I don't WANNA kill kittens! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! Is there any way that I can stop this? I'm so scared---

Okay, Mister. This is Sweetie Belle's sister, Rarity! How dare you tell such evil lies to a filly? She's been crying her eyes out, and she won't let me say her name! The poor thing is so sensitive. It's a good thing I found her writing this letter, or I wouldn't be able to tell you off!

Do not contact my sister, or me again.

-Rarity

To: Twilight Sparkle

You are of a rational, logical mind, Ms. Sparkle. Put it to good use. Humans speak of a world where raw materials and natural resources are so small and hard to obtain that they fight tooth and nail over it. A world where the pursuit of wealth leaves chaos and heartbreak in its wake. And then one day, they opened a Rift into yours. A world where you live in harmony with nature, whereas they rape and pillage their bauble as if they owned it. And to many of them, that is exactly what they believe.

What do you think they will do, Ms. Sparkle, when they find out just how rich your world is? A land where priceless gems and jewels can be dug up with a shovel. A land full of fertile soil, where the weather is under your absolute domain, negating famine and drought. They may have diplomats, Ms. Sparkle, but do not think for once that they are not a race of conquerors.

The Rift is only the beginning. Soon they'll begin sending their kind through it, now that they know it is possible, in the name of "research." In the quest of knowledge, they'll say. Then will come their military. For protection from the wild beasts that roam your lands. And once they have that foot in the proverbial door, my dear...oh, it will be over. It will be all over.

A small band of revolutionists with human weapons laid waste to Stalliongrad. And they were simply given those weapons, told briefly how they functioned. Weapons that weren't even designed for your species. And look what they did.

Now imagine what would happen if those weapons were put in the hands of those who made them. Who have trained with them all their life. Who know how they function exactly.

Three thousand dead? A pittance compared to the bloodshed they'll spread to your world. Like an infestation of vermin they'll crawl over Equestria, taking what they wish, killing those who dare to stand up against them. Magic? They'll find a way to remove that element of power from you. That's what they do. They adapt to their weaknesses. They don't evolve, they simply overpower.

Stalliongrad was just the start. How many more cities must be razed for you ponyfolk to realize that? How many more lives must Nexus ferry to the underworld, before the shroud is lifted from your eyes? A fight will turn into a skirmish. A skirmish into a battle. A battle into a war. And a war into an Armageddon.

-E.

Dear E,

Do you think I like having this line of communication open? No. I don't. As much as I like learning about human culture, I know it is extremely dangerous. You... you humans will wipe us out one day, won't you? I don't hate humans, most of the ones I know are good, but I can see the writing on the wall.

My people are doomed.

But, we do have the gods. I don't know if they can beat human technology or not, but maybe, just maybe...

-Twilight Sparkle

Twilight;

Uggh...I hate quantum entanglement. Right, well it sort of makes sense, I guess, in some weird sort of way. Maybe the Rift itself is the cause of it, allowing both universes to bleed through into each other? If I suddenly gain the ability to teleport or lift objects with my mind, I'll be sure to consult with you first (though I doubt it'll come to that). HOPEFULLY we're both wrong with our doomsday thoughts, and the worst has already happened...

I heard about Stalliongrad. Well, read about it. It was in one of those tabloid newspapers. Sad, really sad. I hope they find the bastards who thought it was a great idea to send weapons of all things into your world. I don't even think you ponies have weapons, just your hooves and magic. It just goes to reiterate my point in my previous letter, y'know? People nowadays over here just don't give a shit about whose life they end up ruining. And I really hope that changes in the near future - otherwise I think we're just going to end up being the cause of our own demise. It wont be some unbeatable virus, or a meteor hitting the Earth...it'll be because of our own machinations, and we wont have anyone to blame but ourselves.

Right, let's try to steer the conversation away from something not so dark, eh? I've been wondering if Alchemy functions like it does in our fantasy books over here - the complete transmutation of certain elements into another, like lead into gold. You seem to usually have some sort of scientific experiment running in your library, is that just normal science with chemical solutions and the like, or are you actually performing Alchemy? Furthermore, what of Witchcraft? Does that exist in your world? Things like love potions and curses, brews made with unsavory ingredients like eye of newt and tongue of frog.

...I can't help but wonder also if there's such a thing as Dark Magic over there as well. Necromancy and the like...creepy and disgusting it may be.

Anywho, keep your chin up, Twilight. You might be an Element of Harmony, but that doesn't mean that the weight of the world needs to always come to rest on your back.

-Scherzo-

P.S.: Anger is...something that's easy to obtain and incredibly hard to let go of. I can't really speak for you, you're your own per-...pony. When it comes to decisions like that, you just need to take some time to yourself and look down deep inside. Don't listen to your head, listen to your heart. I'm sure Celestia would tell you the same thing.

Dear Scherzo,

It is sad. I'm afraid. I've lost a lot of sleep over the humans destroying us. I see them as sort of an... enigma. So much creative power, but so much destructive power.

As for Alchemy, that's extremely high level magic. The amount of high level magic it takes to remove a proton, and literally fling it out into the universe is immense. It's easier to conjure something out of thin air, because most of the elements needed are near by. And it'd be much easier to turn Mercury into Gold, wouldn't it?

As for potions and what not, Unicorns don't generally practice that. That's Zebra magic. They're quite inventive with magical plants, and can do very, very high level magic with their brews. I have a great deal of respect for Zacora's abilities.

As for Necromancy... that's just a myth. And besides, even attempting it would have Nexus on you so fast your head would spin.

I'll take your advice, by the way.

-Twilight Sparkle

Rainbow Dash

Okay, seems that I didn't really think my last question through very much, since y'no... I completely forgot about the "Living several kilometers above the ground level, how in the name of Celestia am I meant to get down now?"
Well... fifty feet, but pfft, you say po-tate-o, i say po-tart-o (Or however the hell that phrase goes)

Oh, and my bad if I hit a nerve with the Pinkie part in my last letter. Least it seemed like I did on my end. Either way, sorry 'bout that.

~~~~~

Anyway, back to the subject you seem to be OH SO VERY GOOD AT!

Pegasus, Pegasi, whatever the plural is... you have wingboners/wing-orgasms.
What about Unicorns and Earth Ponies? Got my own assumptions about Unicorns, and Earth Ponies?
...
Nope, can't think of anything. I'd assume you'd be able to at least answer for one of those two, since... well no need to spell it out, you know, anyone else who read the old letters know, it's all general knowledge by now.

On a totally somewhat unrelated note, this reminds me a comment I saw about you, saying the rules of nature being "Grass grows, Birds fly, Rainbow Dash is a fillyfooler."
That made me laugh unbelievably hard (No offence)
So I guess if there was any foals named after you (Your own or no), according to these "Rules of nature", they'll have part of their life set into stone. Seems like a good reason to slap that human upside the head for such hilarious nonsense.

Furball

PS: What's the date over there?

Dear Furball,

Oh gods. This again.

Alright. Unicorns have a bit of a... sexual attachment to their horns. About the same level as our wings. As for Earth Ponies, well, they're kinda stuck with ahem one way, to get an orgasm. I think you know which way I'm talking about, too.

Also, I'm not a complete fillyfooler, I like stallions, too. Now, Storm Chaser, she doesn't like Stallions. At all.

No offence taken, by the way.

Also, I wouldn't name my own foal after me! I'm not that much of an egomaniac! Nah, I would want any kid of mine to be independent. But I'd still love him. I want any of my kids to have a better childhood than I did.

Also, yes, lesbian couples over here can have kids. We just gotta find a unicorn that'll covert certain... uh... fluids into other fluids...

I took an awkward conversation and turned it even more awkward, didn't I?

Also, Storm Chaser says I gotta be the one to carry the thing. Ah well, I don't mind. Sure it's eleven months of no training, but, hey, what can you do, right?

But foals are a long way off, so don't worry.

Also, the date is Celestia 3rd, 3220 AE.

-Dash

Dear Twilight

I fear the technique did not work I have tried it on all sorts of materials of all shapes and sizes and i seem to expend the same amount of energy before .... well before the object simply vanishes. i never pass out i never even get winded or tired. This has some serious implications but i would like to believe its simply that objects on our side of the veil have little to no magical retention capabilities . As i have said before I do NOT want this. Seriously is there some other way this can be contained or controlled? Even if i must learn to control it in order to suppress it I will. Do you have any more tips or suggestions that may help or possibly a suppression device that may work. Again I am afraid for my friends and families well being as they are the only ones allowed anywhere near me right now. on another note i think the government or some other agency has intercepted my letter to you as I'm getting strange calls asking me to become part of some project. Each time I refuse as I will not have my magical abilities be used to harm people. I know how it goes first they start telling you your just helping cure diseases or building better wells ext thing you know you helped design the next atomic bomb. They are getting very persistent and i am getting very scared please help me in any way you know how

Brian

Dear Brian,

Okay... here's what you need to do...

Uh...

Run.

And keep trying the suppression trick. You just have to picture all of the energy (visualize it as light) just coming out. Do it in a small trickle. Don't force it. It'll take a long time, but it should work.

-Twilight Sparkle

Dear Ms. Sparkle

It has come to our attention that you have come into contact with a mister Smith. You may know him as Brian. Well we would appreciate it if you would not hinder the abilities we are trying to cultivate in this young man. As of right now he is our first successful attempt at a powerful human magic user. Now you may be wondering who WE are exactly. Well while i cant tell you the name of our organization you may simply call us just that the organization a little cliche I know but ah well. If you attempt to further impede his progression we may have to take direct action against him or possibly his family. so if you do not want the blood of innocents on your hooves you will walk away while you still have the chance. We are sending a team out to "check up" on him as i am writing this. I am confident he will pass this first test in moving forward with our little experiments. If you keep your involvement to a minimum you shall be rewarded greatly but if you cross us there will be hell to pay i will not warn you again.

Agent234

Agent234,

I won't help you. Never. I don't care what organization you are, but by this point I've dealt with at least three different secret government organizations, many of of which have threatened me with the blood of the innocence on my hooves. Do you think you scare me?

You don't.

I won't be another Heisenberg.

-Twilight Sparkle

Twilight

Sorry for the lack of formalities but I cant believe this is happening please help me I was sitting here listening to music playing a game when a group dressed in full riot gear bursts into my room and points their guns at me....they told me to go with them or they would kill my family. I lost control of myself I...I almost cant bring myself to write this. Please don't hate me for what i am about to say PLEASE understand what is going on i REALLY need your help i cant handle this anymore it is just too much. I...I killed them i don't know how or what i used they just sort of dissolved in front of me. I am a murderer oh what have i done those people had families and friends and i just killed them. I thought i was better than all of this i never wanted to hurt anyone. i am a PACIFIST damn it i don't hurt people..... please what should I do i cant think strait I really could use some guidance on what to do next should i run should i stay should i kill myself to prevent them from getting themagic they wantfrom me and if so wont they just target some other poor man instead? ARGH PLEASE help me I'm at a loss here.
Brian

Dear Brian,

It's okay... it's okay. It's all going to be okay.

You need to hide. Go into hiding. Leave the country, what ever. You didn't mean to kill them, it's not your fault.

Try to relieve the magic, and for the love of Celestia STAY CALM!

-Twilight Sparkle

Dear Rainbow Dash,

In a response to a previous letter you wondered about human concepts of extra-terrestrials. With that in mind I've sent you a care package of acclaimed pieces of human film, literature, etc. containing aliens.
Specifically:
Alien: In which a spaceship crew lands on a distant planet and discovers appropriately enough aliens. Violence ensues.
E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial: In which an alien encounters earth and humans. Friendship ensues.
Close Encounter of The Third Kind: In which humanity has its first alien encounter.
2001: A Space Odyssey: In which the aliens in question are notably seldom.
District 9: In which the aliens are part of a thinly veiled allusion to previous events within the city where the film takes place.
Both Star Wars Trilogies: In which... well in retrospect aliens weren't as big a part of those films as the others. The "Force" ensues. Anyway after viewing this series assumedly you like every other viewer of the series will be enticed by the thought of owning a "lightsaber". That in mind I've sent both you and Storm Chaser toy lightsabers. Okay maybe toy isn't the right word, they're a bit more expensive than the plastic toy ones for children. They're still tough enough to played with but they're really film prop reproductions for display purposes. Also a lot of the appropriate batteries because forethought seems to be a necessity with multi-dimensional shipments.
The complete collection of both the TV shows Star Trek and Star Trek The Next Generation. In which interspecies relations between several alien species and humanity occur.
The TV show Fringe: In which speculative science leads to the discovery of an alternate universe, its occupants being the aliens as it were. The realization that maybe we got lucky discovering a universe of peaceful magical ponies ensues.
The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: A series of books in which earth explodes. Dry wit ensues.
Ender's Game: In which children fight aliens and regret it. Contemplation ensues.
The Andromeda Strain: In which alien illness terrorizes humanity. Science mumbo-jumbo ensues.
Lastly a recording of Orson Welle's radio broadcast of War of The Worlds with which he convinced radio listeners that Earth was in fact being invaded by aliens. Human overreaction ensued.

So yeah I probably went overboard with the descriptions but this should give you an idea of how humanity has interpreted the concept of extra-terrestrial life. Also since you've seemed to show an interest in human flight I also sent you the film Top Gun about jockish fighter pilots. It has a special importance to me due to childhood dreams of flying planes (dreams I should probably look into fulfilling) and because an essay I wrote on the film got me into college.

May the Force be with you.

Thomas Larkin

P.S. Nearly forgot, I also sent the videogames Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2. They're like Star Trek but in videogame form. Hopefully Twilight hasn't gotten rid of her laptop and you can borrow it to play the games.

Dear Thomas,

So, you guys have like this... destiny to go to space. At least, that's what I feel. You're too big, and you're too advanced for your planet. You need to move on. Spread to other planets, like you guys did in Star Trek. Also, by the way, your light sabers got stopped at the border. They'll probably get sent back to you within a few days.

Also, after watching Fringe...

Yeah, you got lucky.

-Rainbow Dash

Scootaloo,

Your origins confuzzle me. So I'd like to know about your childhood.
I need concrete proof from the pony herself to ensure that you are not...
A chicken.

For all sources lead me to believe that you are indeed a Chicken. the local farmers have even called for chickens using "Scootaloo", and the hens indeed perched near them, waiting.

Please, respond as soon as you can, my curiosity shall kill me otherwise.

-lorTl

Dear lorTl,

“Confuzzle,” really?

I was born on Nexus the 14th, 3208. I have nice parents, who are both pegasi, not chickens.

I am not a chicken.

Sincerely,

Scootaloo